Toy Story

A Guide to Things that Vibrate

This week’s COME AGAIN episode is about the science of why vibrators work when nothing else does. After listening, I assume a lot of women will be ready to do a little shopping. But buying a vibrator can be daunting. As someone who has prescribed vibrators for years, I’m here to help.

When it comes to buying a toy (or more accurately, tool) to be used during sexual activity, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the hundreds of sites and thousands of options. Chances are, your mom didn’t give you any direction on what to look for, and while your friends more likely than not own at least one vibrator, you may not want to ask which is their favorite and where they got it. Despite Amazon's very lenient return policy, this is one item you can’t try on and then return if it doesn’t work out.

And then there is the shame factor. Over 50% of women use vibrators. Yet, as a society, women still hold on to the belief that women who use vibrators are lonely or unable to be sexually satisfied the “normal” way.

I’m always happy when I see something in the media that normalizes the use of vibrators. Did you catch the vibrator cameo in Episode 9 of Your Friends and Neighbors? Coop Cooper (played by Jon Hamm) is quickly rifling through Sam's belongings, looking for clues to the murder. If you blinked, you might have missed the tulip vibrator in the bedside drawer. But it was there. 🌷

As a result of feeling overwhelmed or shamed, women either just do without, resort to randomly buying something online, or go to a sex shop wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap, buy the first thing they see, and dash out the door.

So, here’s a guide. I'll keep it simple and stick to the basic categories of vibrators, along with some suggested products. This is not a comprehensive list - the idea is to give you the basics of what’s out there without overwhelming you with choices.

I am well aware that I may get a raft of “unsubscribes” from women who do not want a post with the word “vibrator” in their inbox, but I’m willing to take that chance. (Hence my title)

By the way, I have no financial relationships with any of these products but am happy to accept gifts from any of these companies in gratitude for promoting them.

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Sex toys fall into two basic categories: those that are inserted into the vagina and those that are used for external stimulation. An internal vibrating dildo is often purchased by well-meaning men, thinking that what women want is something that is exactly like a penis, only shaking and forever hard. But since most women are unable to have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation, what women really want is a vibrator that provides external vibration.

Put an internal toy together with a clitoral stimulator, and you have what is commonly known as the classic rabbit - a penis-shaped vibrator that provides internal fullness while external rabbit ears “tickle” the clitoris. Thanks to the cameo appearance of the Pearl Rabbit on Sex and the City, the Rabbit not only became a popular adult toy but also had the biggest impact on normalizing the use of the vibrator.

At one time, similar vibrators, such as the Hungry Bear, the Pearl Panther, and the Diving Dolphin, were popular choices. But it seems a vibrator can have things sticking out to stimulate all the right places without bringing an entire zoo into your bedroom, right? So, why were so many vibrators named after animals? Many of the original vibrators were made in Japan, where the manufacture and export of sex toys was prohibited by law. An animal-shaped vibrator could legally be marketed and sold as a toy that just happens to vibrate and be shaped like a penis. Today, most “rabbit-style” vibrators skip the nose, mouth, and ears.

Bullet vibrators are small vibrating bullet devices that are meant to be held on the clitoral hood or directly on the clitoris. The advantage of a bullet is that they are usually inexpensive, travel easily, and can be used as a stand-alone or during intercourse. Many women like to be in charge of clitoral stimulation during intercourse, and being the one to hold the bullet is a surefire way to make sure it lands where it needs to go. The disadvantage is that if the bullet gets dropped, it may be a little tricky to find in the bed sheets. Prices vary widely from the lux Lelo option to the budget friendly Amazon version.

While any toy can be used with or without a partner, some toys are specifically designed to be used with a male partner during intercourse. One popular option is the soft bendable Elixir Play Garnet ™ clitoral vibrator attached to a ring that goes around the base of the penis. Another approach is the We-Vibe™, a U-shaped device designed so that one branch slips inside the vagina (with room for the penis) with the other branch strategically positioned over the clitoris. An easier (and less expensive) approach that doesn't require perfect positioning is for the partner (or you) to slip on a Finger Vibrator.

Wand vibrators have long handles and bulbous heads, which means you don’t need to have great aim to get them in the right place. They are also super powerful, which for some women is “too much” and for other’s, exactly what they need.

Wand vibrators are also the most likely to be marketed as total body massagers as opposed to sex toys. Which, strictly speaking, is true. The intense power, along with a large surface area, will feel good on your neck, back, and pretty much everywhere else on your body.. The high-powered Hitachi Magic Wand, introduced in the 1960s, was designed for use on sore muscles. Betty Dodson popularized the wand in her masturbation workshops. The Hitachi caught on quickly, not just because it worked so well, but because it didn’t look like a sex toy. No one would be the wiser that you weren’t purchasing it for your sore neck. Hitachi, while selling millions, was not totally on board, knowing that in most cases, their back massager was being used on clitorises across America. They ultimately removed their name and rebranded it as the Magic Wand original.

Wearables have exploded over the past few years. While there are obvious advantages to having your hands free for other things, these can be a little trickier to use and not necessarily a good “first vibrator.”

The Dame EVA™ cleverly slips inside the labia. Another ingenious innovation is the We-Vibe Moxie, designed to be worn inside panties and controlled via an app on a smartphone. Next time you see someone inexplicably smiling during a dinner party, check to see if her partner has their phone out!

Worried about your housekeeper or a casual visitor to your home seeing your stash of vibrators? Not to worry, there are no end of ways that powerful vibrators can be disguised as other objects.

The Blender sits on your makeup table next to your eye shadow and lipstick, and …blends right in. And speaking of lipstick, next time you are at Ulta, pick up a Gloss Bullet Vibrator .

There is also an adorable, innocent-looking yellow, purple, or black rubber ducky that can hang out on your bathtub next to the loofah. No one will know that the tail is spot on when it comes to shape and function. And bonus, it’s waterproof.

And for the ultimate in a vibrator that doesn’t look like a vibrator category, Crave is a very cool-looking necklace/vibrator with a convenient USB charger that comes in silver, gold, and black. I firmly believe that I have been the sole reason this company has remained in business. For years, the Crave vibrator necklace has been my go-to for birthdays, divorce, and thank-you gifts. It’s not the world’s best vibrator, but it's perfectly good in a pinch and always appreciated since it doubles as a very cool-looking pendant.

Shopping

So, where do you get these items? No, you don’t have to go to a questionable neighborhood wearing a disguise and dark glasses.

Today, you can buy a vibrator in your corner drugstore or online. Amazon.com is a gold mine if you want your new vibrator discreetly delivered to your doorstep overnight.

My favorite women-owned “friendly” websites are Elixer Play and DAME.

Use code COMEAGAIN20 for 20% off Elixer Play Products!

While on a trip to Amsterdam a few years ago, I stopped in a famous sex toy store to see if they had anything different than what is available in the States. I asked the clerk behind the counter enough questions that she quickly realized I wasn’t just a curious tourist, but an expert! She went back and came out holding a vibrator and proudly told me that this product had been the recipient of the “motor of the year award”. Best souvenir ever!

And, on the topic of travel, take your vibrator with you, but be prepared. Nothing like a vibrating suitcase to get the TSA's attention. This may explain why so many women insist on traveling with an electric toothbrush. Not a great idea, but if you must, cover the brush with a wash cloth. And if you are still worried about the TSA agent waving your rabbit vibrator for all to see, you can always buy a “massager” after clearing security at an airport gift shop, presumably not to be used during takeoff or landing.✈️

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