More SEX-Less PAIN?????

How a Misleading Headline Can Send the Wrong Message

When this press release popped up in my inbox 2 days ago, I literally stopped in my tracks to read it. (I work on a treadmill desk)

“More Sex, Less Pain and Irritation for Perimenopausal and Postmenopausal Women”

The press release, from The Menopause Society, went on to say:

“New study suggests that regular sexual activity may reduce the odds of vulvar pain, dryness, and irritation in women aged in their 40s to 70s”

In other words, “USE IT or LOSE IT!”

The headline suggests that if someone is having painful penetration, all they need to do to solve the problem is HAVE MORE SEX! Since this made absolutely no sense, I immediately emailed the PR agent and asked to see the full paper.

The paper, “Cross-sectional study of the association between regular sexual activity and genitourinary syndrome of menopause-related symptoms, “ was a survey of over 900 Japanese women.

• Group 1 reported regular sexual activity in the 3 months prior.

• Group 2 reported rare sexual activity in the 12 months prior.

What followed was a 9-page paper with a detailed subanalysis of the groups in terms of symptoms of genitourinary syndrome of menopause, pain with sexual activity, pleasure, ability to orgasm, etc.

The conclusion was…wait for it….drum roll…..

• Women that have less symptoms of GSM have less pain!

• Women who have less vulvar and vaginal pain have more sex!

• Women who have less vulvar and vaginal pain have more pleasure!

The overall conclusion is obvious. As any woman will tell you, the more sex hurts, the less likely you are to have it.

This is hardly earth-shattering news.

In defense of this paper, nowhere in it do they suggest that if you have pain, you should have more sex to make the pain go away.

It is the opposite.

If you don’t have pain, you will have more sex.

The problem wasn’t the study; it was the misleading press release.

Unfortunately, it is the rare person in our world today who reads past the headline, let alone the entire study.

This PR gaffe might have gone unnoticed, but then this Instagram post * went live:

It only took about 30 minutes before there were dozens of scathing comments from the menopause community:

Here’s the problem. Menopause experts know that “use it or lose it” is the wrong message. Many women do not.

So, just to be clear:

If you are having pain with sexual activity, do not have more sex!

Stop having sex!!!!

This is a recurrent theme in my podcast series, Come Again: Sexuality and Orgasm. I devote multiple episodes to why women have pain with sexual activity and what they can do to make it go away. Along the way, I make the recurrent point that if you are having painful sex, you need to stop trying.

As I state in Come Again Episode 15:

“If past attempts at intercourse were painful as a result of vaginal dryness, your vagina is not stupid and will go into keep out mode.

Tight muscles and vaginal dryness are a protective mechanism to prevent further painful attempts at intercourse.

Every time someone with painful intercourse attempts to have penetrative sex, the muscles that surround the vagina and all along the pelvic floor involuntarily tighten more in anticipation of pain, which causes more pain.”

In short, the way to eliminate the pain is not to have more sex! It is settled science that penetrative sex in the presence of pain doesn’t decrease pain, it causes MORE pain. The only way to eliminate the pain is to STOP having intercourse and treat the genitourinary syndrome of menopause, the tight pelvic floor muscles, and/or whatever else is causing painful intercourse.

I once wrote an article for AARP titled “How taking intercourse off the table can lead to better sex”

In it, I explained that if intercourse is painful, it is critically important to stop trying until the pain is eliminated. And, in the meantime, continue to have sex without penetration..

“For women, sexual activity without the anxiety and expectation of dry painful sex is liberating. Not to mention, many men are reluctant to initiate sexual activity out of fear of hurting their partner and avoid intimacy altogether.

For men who have an uncooperative penis, it is a huge relief to be able to be sexual, and satisfy their partner, without the expectation of an instant and lasting, rock hard erection. Shaking up the monotony of monogamy with non-penetrative activities involving fingers, lips, and toys it not only a relief, but can take sexual satisfaction to a whole new level.

Many couples find that the introduction of new creative approaches to sexual pleasure, such as non-penetrative sex, is more pleasurable than straight-up intercourse ever was.

Penis and pleasure are not the same thing.

So, the message is clear- if someone is having painful intercourse, further attempts will not cause less pain, it will cause more pain.

And it is important to read past the headline.

Update: The Instagram post has been deleted by The Menopause Society. Again, I want to emphasize, the issue was not publication of the study, it was the misleading Press Release.